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I wrote this blog for Pilates in the Grove about year ago, and with the current state of affairs, I felt it was time to post it again. Being forced to be physically and socially distant from many of the people we love (with some people being alone and completely separated from the outside world) can leave one with a LOT of time to get in one's head. Between talking to friends and seeing posts on social media, it became very clear to me that a lot of demons are making their way to the surface of minds and wreaking havoc! I hope this blog will let you know that you're not alone, there is hope, and help can be as simple as a click away.
Healing is messy, but oh. so. beautiful.
“You can’t hide from your inner sh*t. Nope. You can’t sleep it off. You can’t surgically remove it. You can’t eat/buy/wish/exercise it away. You have to turn towards it & embrace it. Look into its eyes. Be patient & so f*cking tender. Then get intimate with it until it shows you another way, a different you.” -thug unicorn by tanya markul-
I hit my emotional “rock bottom” in 2010, and the journey since then has been messy, but oh so beautiful. Many will have you believe that once you hit bottom, it’s only up from there, but to me, that’s not the case when it comes to emotional healing… emotional healing is messy. It’s tears, it’s screaming, it’s silence, it’s fear, it’s the highest of highs, it’s the lowest of lows, it’s the dark and twisty, it’s the new enlightenment, and ultimately, it’s peace… it’s elevating to your next best self and being so proud to have gotten there.
In all honesty, there were times in my own emotional healing over the past 8yrs that were far more painful than my actual “rock bottom”. It’s as if my rock bottom opened this glimpse into the deepest darkest thoughts I could have… introducing me to the demons that lie inside. Getting back from that deep dark and twisty point is terrifying, but beyond worth it. Had I not dove into those deep, dark, twisty places to find out where my fear and angst was coming from, I would have never been able to rise to where I am today… the dark and twisty gave me this unbelievable ability to gain perspective on ideas I might once have been naïve to. Prior to my rock bottom, I was floating around happy with blinders on… only my happy world existed, to a certain extent… I was kind, loving, happy, and aware that the rest of the world existed, but always with my rose colored lenses. The rollercoaster ride of healing emotional traumas encouraged me to look at situations I might have judged in the past with a new set of “lenses” and a new perspective on life. I went from “oh my god, I can’t believe she did that, how can she not see what that person is doing to her?” to being that girl and living the situation in real life. Going through it all gave me the strength to display unconditional love and be truly empathic to what others are going through. My rock bottom has brought me to a level of high that I never would have been able to fathom… the blinders are off and true, open minded, unconditional love is the result of the years of climbing out of my dark and twisty.
Don’t get me wrong, healing and elevating to my next best self is a constant process, but now, instead of putting band-aids on feelings that I was too scared to look at in the past, I get cozy with my demons and learn from them. I encourage all of you, as we approach this new year of 2019, to get cozy with your demons. Learn their ways, learn how they manipulate you, learn how they have you, learn how they guide you… dance with them, but this time, YOU take the lead and live the best life you could imagine.
with peace and so much love, alix terpos PT, DPT